end of 2009

wow what a year 2009 has been...

• losing close family members
• gaining new ones
• heartbreak
• relationships blossoming
• swine flu
• finishing school and moving into the big bad world
• turning 18
• having a ridiculous number or amazing nights out with the beauts i call my friends
• getting shitfaced at prom
• passing my driving test with only 3 minors
• going to ayia napa! best week of my life!
• leeds/newcastle for rachael's 21st
• meeting amazing people
• my best friend moving 2 hours away
• skegness-not that i can remember much of it :P
• becoming a better person
• confiding in someone i would never of before
• anniversarys
• tears
• and too much laughter.

too conclude 2009 has been an amazing year with a summer to never forget!

2010 will be so much better though:

• moving on and up in life
• more laughter
• more nights out
• going to the caribbean to get away from everything
• turning 19
• hopefully newcastle again
• maybe a cheeky week away with my beaut friends
• having the summer of my lifetime
• moving to edinburgh :D
• freshers and starting university
• meeting new amazing people and keeping up with the old
• doing the unexpected
• and growing as a person

i can honestly not wait to see what this new year brings for me! whatever it is i'll be prepared :)

xxx

the only way is up!(8)

ooooh how summer flew by!!! booo. well it's september and my best friend moves to aberdeen next saturday-not looking forward to the goodbye but i know its just for a wee while til she comes to visit or vice versa :D
im not going to be all sad and depressed about it cos all you can do is move forward, not forget but move forward.
i really do not have a clue what this gap year has instore for me yet but im super excited to find out!! i can only guess that every tuesday i will be at dusk with my girlies who i have recently realised are there for me! and i have applied to be an 18-30 club rep for summer 2010!! wooo im so excited will be awesome if i get accepted!
ooh yeah im also this new steph who is not naive, doesn't let people walk all over her and can take care of herself!!!...to an extent:P
soo cheers to life and moving up in the world! cos the only person stopping you achieving what you want most in life is the person in the mirror! so im not going to get in my own way anymore cos you only have one life and when things come along its for a reason so don't just side step past them! experience them!!

and that's lifes lesson for today children ;P
over and out x

omg

ayia napa was amazing. i loved every single minute of it, strolling back to the hotel at 5 am and sittin by the pool bar til half 6 in the morning with a cocktail and talking random shit then heading up to the room and comin back to the pool bar for 9 am! haahaaa my poor wee liver.
met so many fantasic peoples who i miss already! done so many stupid things on holiday that were amazing though like my drunken tattoo, winning a pole dancing competition, having russian stalkers trying to break into our rooms, being taken away haha and basically being "one of the guys" :P i love ayia napa! someone take me back now!


i now have no clues what i wana do with my free year tbh i wanna become a rep and move abroad! i hate scotland and all its pish. so confusedddddddddd

and i can't believe my idol died when i was on holiday! i miss him! rip michael!

me rach and louise had a tribute night :P the photos can be found on mines bebo :D:D

:)

i passed le driving test on monday morning. and so far ive gone through a full tank of petrol and its only tuesday night. had a rea..y nice day today-sun was out went shopping for random holiday pish, went a nice wee drive that might i say was waaaay random and in more than one way.
its weird how you think feelings change, but tbh i don't think they ever do.


aaaaaanywaysss ayia napa in 8 hours!
im so excited, i really need a holiday.
x

wowwwweeeeeeeeeee

i can't believe i worked 42 hours over 4 days its madness.
work was hilarious though! i love being on the bar with sarah she makes the funnies. then james with his casper malarky and how casper is going to rape me! haahaa loser.
and yes alec is the biggest pigoat in the universe! haahaa.

im so so so so so busy this next week its unreal, spray tan tomorrow with weeezums and buying the rest of my holiday stuffs, then working wed day and night, working thursday night, PROM ON FRIDAYYYYY then after party at louisesss yaaaay going to get sooo drunk! then working saturday and sunday! then monday there is something im doing but im not mentioning it til later i don't wanna jinxed anything then tuesday i wil pack and wednesday morning im jetting off to AYIA NAPAAAAAAAA :D im soooooooooooo excited-partying everynight at carwash and castleclub yes please, spending my days lying by the pool with a glass of sangria and hot scandinavian guys to look at yesssssss please!! i would not be surprised if i do not come home, i'll sell my car and move there! haahaa.

boom boom boom i want a kitkat boom boom boom i want a kitkat :D:D my new favourite song.

:)

aaaaaah life :)
each day really is a gift and not a given right. the weather has been amazingggg since thursday-gutted i had to work friday saturday and sunday, got the best of the sun before work though yay. getting a bit of tan going on wooohooo. i have noticed though that being a bum during the week is a pretty expensive lifestyle, all i do is shop and go out all the time. even though im meant to be saving for monies for ayia napa which is only 22days away. i can't help it people ask me if i fancy going out and c'mon i can't exactly turn them down :) going to dereks grand opening of argylls on thursday with the workiessss then i can only presume we shall end up going out. and then im going through to kilmarknock with rachie-pooooos on sunday so there is even more money haahaa. i will just need to save after that:P and speak nicely to my momaaa and get her to lend me monies. fingers crossed! if that fails i shall rob a bank :D and even though it was 2weeks tomorrow that i left/graduated from school, it wasn't until today i felt the sense of relief from leaving that i have longed for. this was because today i actually got my ass in gear and went to school and finished my advanced art folio. gooo me!!!
so to round things off life is more than pretty immense right now, its brillllliant. i love my friends, my family, my nights out, my lazy nights in watching teleeeeee, enjoying every minute of the sun, and basically taking each day as it comes!

and its pretty awesome being woken up by the sun everyday instead of a bloody alarm clock going off at 6.45am.
:D:D:D

clean new slate

i thought since i was no longer at school i should start a clean new slate :)
so far my new slate is going pretty well, i have left all the ridiculous drama behind.
i have apologised to people for being a bitch to them, still a few to say it to-but not sure if its the best thing to do maybe leave them. hahaa
i've also decided its better to just trust myself and make myself happy rather than depend on someone else to do it.
in the past few days i've found out i had a really good friend who i have never really treated at a best mate before, he is so understanding, wise:P and to be honest kinda hot :D he thinks he can "relate to me" he's my new big brother and i love him for all his advice on life and help with decision makings and for givin me random lifts here and there at ridiculous times like tonight for example haahaa.
man united lost the champions league tonight, was gutting but was a good night at rachaels though cos she had a wee party :)

seen as its a clean new slate an all that, i wanted to clear up alot of shit with a girl that i thought hated me and vice versa....
hazel is awesome, she is super pretty and really nice, im glads we are talking now cos she is a really nice girl :) thanks for listening to what i had to day, meant a lot that you didn't laugh in my face, you really deserve a decent guy who will treat you like a princess :) x

so i've rambled through this blog, means everything though even though i have had a few big drinks at rachaels :P i really am turning over a new leaf :D gooo me!!!!!!!!!!

teehee

RSPSW - it's the way forward
:)
also apologising to people where we have had complete misunderstanding has made me feel happy and good about myself.
speaking my mind has also made me feel good about myself
:)
yaaaaaay
x

:)

what an amazing day, done bugger all at school though-was meant to finish my art folio, instead i had a carry on with the people who make me genuinely happy, not the fake happy i've been for several weeks now. they did make me want to no longer go to prom though because i am going to get my drink spiked, put in a sak and dragged into the room of he who shall not be named haahaa.
looking forward to it ;)

and did you know 1 slag + 1 slag = a couple of slags who are most likely both cheating on eachother haahaa. our simple maths skills amazed me today.

ooh yeah thanks for making it obvious to me today that i can do so much better than you, god only knows what was going through my head, anyways that was a regret in my life and i will learn from it (lesson; when his pals call him a dick, listen to them!) i've completely swiped that chapter from my life as i don't want to remember any of it.
:):):):):)
toonight will be gooooooooooooood.

im done with being lied to
im done with all the pathetic drama
im done with the constant worry
im done with it.
and done with you.

and for the first time im not going to depend on someone else to make me happy. i'll learn to make myself happy.
i know i won't lie to myself and i know i can trust myself!

..............

i don't think i can do it anymore.
i can no longer act like it doesn't bother me, cos underneath the smile i've been wearing its ripping me to shreads and breaking my heart.
i hate having to be the one to always question everything, but no one else will.
its asif she is always in your head i try to brush it off but im not doing it anymore.
i can't.

speaking of thinking

i think farrr too much.
someone told me something really special on monday, it made me smile but at the same time made me question everthing and basically after hearing what i heard it just made me feel confused and made things complicated.
however people are entitled to their opinions and have the right to say what they want.
but please you can't say things if you don't plan on acting on them, thats just stupid.
anyway im going to stop thinking about it.

<3

this girl, yes the one in the picture, well she is my best friend, always has been and always will be forever more. she will always come first no matter what.

she has been there for me through everything, and i have done the same for her. fair enough together we can be quite intimidatingly loud and ridiculous, but i wouldn't change her or our friendship for all the money in the world.

we have been friends since primary 3, when i moved school-and she was in my class. we were friends straight away. since then minus when one of us is on holiday we see eachother everyday, even if its just a 10minute walk or a full day. when we were at school we would see eachother everyday, most nights after school also. then we would work together all weekend. we have been to spain together twice and never get sick of eachother, we have never had a falling out, yes we've had our minor arguments but hours later we would just laugh at how silly we had been.

we gossip, we bitch, we laugh, we drink, we watch crap movies that no one would even give a chance, we make up silly poems at 3 in the morning *a nuns boob ahemmm*, we attempt to bake cakes, we shop a ridiculous amount, we come out with the most ridiculous phrases and sentences that no one understands, we make yer da jokes until one of us crosses the line-always me, we take far too many photos and have one million and one memories, we are always given dirty looks because we are immature and loud but we don't care.

anyways it wasn't until tonight that i thought about all this and realised, she is moving to aberdeen in september for uni, and it was then i thought.... oh my god im not going to see louise everyday or just go visit her to talk and have a carry on with her. she will go to uni and obviously make friends and we will probably hardly see eachother. and once i thought about all of this i realised how much i am actually going to miss her and all the little things i take for granted, like just seeing a friendly face when your feeling like crap.

so im going to make this the best summer ever!! and make the most of the few months left :)

i loveeee youuu louiseeeey always will, can't believe how much im going to miss you.

happppppppppy ever after

graduation was today, didn't know what to expect cos it seemed so surreal that i was never going to have to go back to school and this was the last time i was going to see the majority of peoples faces.
anyway it turned out to be the best friggin day ever. after the whole graduation stuff we went and got water guns, water balloons, 65 litres of water, soap, alcohol and a big plastic sheet.
we then had the best fun in the sun ever known to humanity!
was a brilliant way to say goodbye to my fellow sixth years. ganging up on conor was the mostest fun. then lying in the sun trying to dry off-next thing you know someone had chucked a water balloon which explodes in yer face. HAHA thanks. farrr toooo many memories in that schooool and im happy to say the majority of them are all giiiiiiiiiiid
i just wannna sayyy farewell to those who i will probs never see again, to those of you who i will see always...unlucky cos you aint got rid of me yet! haha
well i needs to find something to do in the weekdays haahaa.

to make my day even better........... me and louise are going to london on the 17th august to see the one and only MICHAEL JACKSON
im soo blooooody excited its unreal, once in a lifetime opportunity liiiiikess.
:):):):):):):):):)

i love mines friends they are the ultimate bestestestestness.

i hate taylor swift but i found this song appropriate

:)


Hey Steven, I know looks can be deceiving
But I know I saw a light in you
And as we walked we were talking
I didn't say half the things I wanted to
Of all the girls tossing rocks at your window
I'll be the one waiting there even when it's cold
Hey Steven, boy, you might have me believing
I don't always have to be alone
'Cause I can't help it if you look like an angel
Can't help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain so
Come feel this magic I've been feeling since I met you
Can't help it if there's no one else
Mmm, I can't help myself
Hey Steven, I've been holding back this feeling
So I got some things to say to you
I've seen it all, so I thought
But I never seen nobody shine the way you do
The way you walk, way you talk, way you say my name
It's beautiful, wonderful, don't you ever change
Hey Steven, why are people always leaving?
I think you and I should stay the same
'Cause I can't help it if you look like an angel
Can't help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain so
Come feel this magic I've been feeling since I met you
Can't help it if there's no one else
Mmm, I can't help myself
Hey Steven, I could give you fifty reasons
Why I should be the one you choose
All those other girls, well, they're beautiful
But would they write a song for you?
I can't help it if you look like an angel
Can't help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain so
Come feel this magic I've been feeling since I met you
Can't help it if there's no one else
Mmm, I can't help myself


i love you.<3

.

i love saying hiya to you, your hiyas are amazing.
i love how you've opened up to me now and i know what your thinking.
thanks
you make me sooooooo happy even when your being a gimp.
:)
i've learnt to trust you so don't break that trust please (L)
your my wee spesh and i love you.
x

sunday in general

was awesomeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
was mega sunny which put me in a extremely good mood then went a walk and ended up lying on a concrete circle with this guy who seems to think he's my toyboy.....he couldn't be anymore wrong, cos hes my happy pill. (L)

cribage was hilarious! and cribage is getting done more often.
i love my friends and i love gossiping about people we all share a disliking for (yes my no bitching didn't last) and i love getting drunk with my friends even more.
louise thought it would be a good idea to mix peach schnapps with champagne....just because it said on the bottle you could. i swear i've never tasted anything so booooog in all my life.
haaahaaa.
then swingin and running round the cheeky wee door thing was ace. made lots of noise but was ace. standing outside having a fag was giddd the sky was pretty and looked even nicer cos i wassss a lil steaminnnn.

overalll was a good day/night even if i did end up with louise's knee in my back several times through the night, and then had her saying she couldn't sleep cos the shadows and the prospect of "getting raped by the shadows" hawhaw

:):):):):):):):):):)

wowwwwwweeeee

i didn't know it was possible to feel so many emotions all in one day. jeee whizz.
hyperness, sad, hyperness again, happy, extremely angry, ill because of anger, pretty low, reassured and then happiest i've been since well forever.
i've learnt that things happen for a reason, but yeah so what they've happened and with a little thing called trust i know it won't happen again, yes I KNOW.
things have been said, yet i regret nothing and meant everything.
if it came across as harsh-it had to-just cos i was upset and wanted to get my point across.
i have to admit i was surprised by your reaction.
im glad you talked-let me know some stuff that i didn't already know
and things i wanted to know.
luckily im "stupid" and i let people away with treating me like shit :)
you may think you have treated me like shit, but technically you haven't even done anything wrong.........techhhhnically.
but yeah
im so so so so so so so happy right now. everything got cleared up.
:)
you make me feel so special and that is why im only "stupid" for you.
because your amazing, different but amazing.
and i love that about you.
thank you so much for just being you and words cannot describe it actually.
and oh oh oh as of tonight, i am no longer being "that bitch" i want to retract all the horrible looks i've ever given, all the comments i've said to people that i haven't even given a chance to get to know, and finally i will try my best to get along with everyone, because its a waste of time and evergy arguing with people over petty pathetic things.

okay i take back the word "all" because some of you fuckers really deserved every horrible stare and every harsh word thrown in your direction, but to all of those i don't really know and you don't really know me....im sorry :)

HAAPPPPPPPPPPPYYYYYYYYYYYYYY :) (L) xo!

happy happy happy

im happier than everrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
:)
you make me smile and laugh even when i don't want to.
i like yer hugs and yer fly wee kisses ;)
i love when you show me how to use a camera too.
yer jokes are pretty gash but they make laugh
you actually snort when you laugh! HAHAHA its cute.
frog walks are giid
but frog walks with you are the best :)
you say your not whipped but secretly you know you are :P
why else would you grovel and say sorry :)
i like how you confide in me and tell me gossip haha.
you better not disappear anytime soon (or i'll be sad)
cos i like where things are heading.
xxxxxxxxxx ya

(:

everything is just perfect the now. the weather is mega everyday and its gid being able to sit in the sun with a cheeky malibu. being back at school isn't as bad as i thought it would-only 3 weeks left til summer! being 18 is just the cherry on top of the cake, being able to go out anywhere without worrying bout ID is brill, meet so many mazing folk minus the creep who followed me bout falkirk from city haahaa. my party was amaze i had such a giiid night (: and then theres him. he makes me smile lots and lots even without speaking just seeing his face makes me happy, and i hope he knows that. yes steven im talking about you (: teehee
xxx

can't wait for next week!

next week is going to be awesome.
not looking forward to the penniless aspect of it but it'll be goood!
drunken night out for colaaaaaaa's 18th on tuesday
girlie day out on wednesday with a lil efron on the side;)
another drunken night out for ema's 18th on thursday
and me and ema's skins party on saturday night ;)
sooo excited its going to be amazing - i have a hot date for it to;) which makes it even more awesomer heeheee he knows who he is (:

DRUNKAGEEEE!!

x

:)

well I've finally come to my senses after all this time. I don't care if writing this makes me come across as selfish-I just want to do something for myself now-no one else just me. I'm stick of all the arseholes, liars and idiots who seem to be takin me for a ride. I'm sick of the childish games u seem to be into and always having to be the bitch and ask the same question over and over-even though I always get the same answer for some reason it just doesn't reassure me at all. yeah I really like u and stuff but there is just to much drama that comes along with it and tbh I don't want that-I don't want any grudges to be held or any bitch comments to be made whenever were together just because they are not with you. its not because I care what people think of me cos I don't-and no that isn't me saying I'm better than you. I just know I'll be made out to be the arsehole if I react to the comments. I'm not asking you to change or make new friends I'm simply saying that if you really wanted this to work then you would at least try to prevent me from hearing things I don't wanna hear. I've been told I'm a very resourceful person and tbh I am I know all basically. I wrote this not to look like a selfish bitch that only cares about herself but to point out that I'm sick of getting upset about stupid wee things and worrying then having to question you-that isn't who or what I'm about so if things don't change I'm going to be the new steph who trusts no one but herself. I'm gunno be a happier steph who doesn't give a fuck bout all the wee immature dicks who thrive on drama. cos I'm done arguing I'm just done.... ;)x

aaaaaaaah

so so so confused,i no longer no what i want, and i certainly don't know what you want anymore-i thought i did but i was wrong.im fed up of waiting and feeling like time is being wasted, even if it was to be worth the wait.you tell me one thing and it means another, you tell me things i don't really want to hear, yet im still here waiting for you to decide and tell me what you want. and tbh i don't know why-well i do know why actually its cos i love you.even if you can't return it.so please make your decision now so i can make mine....x<3

eeeeee!

life is pretty amazinnng right now - being 18 has opened so many doors:P

time to make some big decisions though - do i go to uni and live in edinburgh in september and be skint and have to sell my wee car :( or do i go next september, still live in edinburgh but have more money and keep my car?
hmmmm

i really need to decide what to do this summer ayia napa ayeeeeeee then t4 on the beach? who's up for it?!
:)
xxx

blah blah life is fucked up.

where to start, i honestly do wish that it was still 2006, that year was amazing, there was nothing to worry about, nothing to deal with, no responsibility!

3 years have gone by and each one has gotten more fucked up. not saying that everything was a total disaster, but after summer 08 everything just kinda blew up basically.
there are people who were really special to me in my life who are no longer in it, some pushed away, others had to be pushed away and one was taken away. i really do regret that year, losing a best friend was hard - trying to remember why is even harder. its sad how people who are so close can easily turn that around to the point where there isn't even any eye contact. losing my papa, the only person i really felt close to in my whole family being taken away from me was one of the hardest things i had to deal with. and somedays i really do think to myself that it still hasn't hit me. i regret so much not seeing him as much as i could in the last week. and if i could go back in time i would totally change that. but i guess that would be the only thing i'd change in my life. because the people who walked out of my life have altered it pretty nicely - fair enough its brought the bitchiest arguments i've ever heard and pathetic remarks, but in the end i've become a better person and talk to more people and basically i just want to thank them for that - and only that.

well i haven't half ranted my way through that - and there is more.

why do people lie? it gets you absolutley fucking no where, so why? you tell me one thing, then all your pals tell me another thing and then i don't know who to believe because i don't want to believe your pals cos that would mean you had lied to me. then i feel hurt and upset but you don't know that cos you clearly don't understand that i actually like you. i also don't understand why i am still here - in the same position i have been for a few months now. sticking up for you and just brushing off the lies and the lame ass excuses that you give me. sometimes you make me feel so low, and the next day you will react like nothing ever happened so i will just go along with that. why do i do this? its so mega stupid! i guess its because i really like you, and i always want to believe that the people i love are good, even when they are clearly not.

i need to get a grip off life tbh. :) xoxo